Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
