i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
bring money and cleavage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
