And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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