i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
