Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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