I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
