I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
