I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
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