i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
