If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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