Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
