He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize