Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
