I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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