bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
