My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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