My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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