We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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