Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
