It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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