I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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