I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
