And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
