Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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