my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
