Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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