Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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