At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
