dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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