Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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