I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
do nipples grow back?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
