Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize