I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
