Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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