Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
