I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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