i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
