I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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