even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
