Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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