I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
