I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
