hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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