My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
