I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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