the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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