I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my liver is dry heaving
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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