Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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