I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
