all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
