It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Terrible idea I love it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
