Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
