ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
