Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
