Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
