Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize