im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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