mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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