my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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