What did we do last night that was yellow?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
