im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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