I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
