I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
